Sunlight
by Aslan's Lamb
Summary: This is the story of a young Narnian girl with a wish and very little time. It's also the story of a centaur-boy who knows how to be a friend, a concerned young tutor and a King with many regrets.
1. A Letter

Iva, loyal servant of the king and citizen of Narnia, to Rilian, King of Narnia, son of King Caspian X, Ruler of Cair Paravel, greeting.

Your majesty, I write to you not on my own behalf but on behalf of a girl who is not yet ten summers but is already one of your most loyal subjects. Her name is Alerei. She has been ill her whole life, therefore, three years ago, instead of sending her to school her father hired me to be her tutor. I believe I have learned much more from her in these three years, than anything she might have learned from me. We have, however, studied your majesty's laws and decisions and in discussing them, Alerei decided that she greatly admired you.

Yesterday, a physician examined Alerei and told her that her case was beyond hope and that she would most likely be dead in a month. Alerei's biggest wish, sire, (beyond the one wish that we know is impossible) is to meet you before she dies. Now I understand that a king has much to do, but if you could possibly take two days to travel to her home and shake her hand and speak to her for a little while, I know she would have this bit of joy to hang on to in the days ahead. I entreat you to respond quickly for she hasn't much time left.

Iva, servant of the king and citizen of Narnia


	2. Morning

Alerei was asleep. Her short, blond hair was tanged and matted, her arms clutched her pillow, her blanket was twisted around her skinny legs. Iva glanced at the sky through the window that was right above Alerei's ear. The sun was high. It was time.

"Alerei."

Alerei slept on.

"Alerei, wake up."

Alerei stirred. "No, mother," she mumbled.

Iva smiled. "It's not mother," she said. "So you might as well open your eyes and see what I've brought you."

The words had their desired effect. Alerei opened her eyes and stared. "Parchment?" she asked, sleepily.

"It's a letter," Iva said. "A letter from the king."

"The king!" Alerei jumped up and hit her head on the pillow that was attached to the ceiling. The bed was quite high (in order to be close to the window) and Alerei tended to jump at exciting news, so after several unhappy encounters with the ceiling, Alerei's mother had attached a pillow to the unlucky spot.

"Yes, the king. Now if you will get up and get properly dressed, I will let you read it."

Alerei jumped out of bed, pulled off her night shift without a trace of modesty, grabbed the first dress she saw and pulled it on backwards. "I'm ready," she said.

Iva chuckled and handed her the letter. Alerei read it while Iva reread it over her shoulder.

_Rilian, King of Narnia, to the Lady __Iva, Greeting_

_My lady, I was humbled to find that this young Alerei held me so high in her esteem that meeting me would be her biggest wish. Tell her that I would be honored to visit her home on the first day of the month of Greenroof. And I ask that you tell me what Alerei would like to receive as a gift from me on my visit. If it exists in Narnia, I will have it._

_Rilian, King of Narnia_

"Dancing dryads!" Alerei breathed. "He's coming here."

Iva nodded.

"Mother!" Alerei hollered. "He's coming here!"

Alerei's mother entered the room. She was a tired woman with a long blond braid that was almost all gray and weary green eyes. Her eyes drifted to Alerei, then away, then back to Alerei. "Who is coming?" she inquired.

"The king! The king is coming to our house!" Alerei stopped jumping up and down for a moment. "I suppose this means that I'll have to tidy up my things, doesn't it?" she said resignedly.

Iva smiled at that. Then she handed the letter to Alerei's mother. "I'm sorry, I didn't ask you first," she said. "But I really didn't think it would do any harm and I was afraid that Alerei might hear us talking. I didn't want her to know at first."

Alerei's mother read it. She looked up. If there was any gratitude in her eyes, Iva didn't see it. "First day of the month of Greenroof? That's _very_ soon," she said. Then, with another painful glance at Alerei, "But I suppose it's for the best."

And she left the room.

Alerei frowned. "I don't understand how she can be so quiet about things!" she said. "And you! Aren't you even a little bit excited for me?"

Iva's smile was wider this time. "I am. Tremendously excited. But I didn't want to excite you."

Alerei whooped. "You showed me _this_ and you thought I wouldn't get excited?" She shook the letter in front of Iva's face. "It doesn't matter anymore if I get excited or not though. The doctor said it made no difference." A shadow passed across her face for a moment, then, she flicked it away almost like a pesky insect. "What gift shall I ask for?" she wondered with a dreamy smile.

"You'll have time to think of a gift later. Put your dress on right and it's time for lessons."

"Can you teach me a new song?" Alerei asked, as she reluctantly fixed the dress.

Iva pressed her lips together. "First, we need to review some history."

"Well, I don't feel like reviewing history." Alerei pouted. "Mother would let me do whatever I wanted."

"That is true but I won't," Iva said firmly.

Alerei paused. "I'm glad," she finally said. "I hate the way mother never stops or scolds me anymore, even when I do something _really_ awful. I just hate myself sometimes…but she doesn't say a single word."

"She's letting you figure out what's right and wrong for yourself," Iva suggested.

"No, that's not it at all. She just feels sorry for me because I am going to die. So she can't bear to scold me."

Iva never ceased to feel that tightening in her throat whenever Alerei referred to her death, oh so casually, as if she was talking about the upcoming harvest.

Alerei had an illness that was commonly called night-fade. Every night, Alerei felt pain in her chest and had trouble breathing. Every night she got red spots on her cheeks and her forehead grew hot and dry. During the day, aside from being easily tired, she seemed like any other child. During the day, you could almost forget that she was dying.

"Time for history. Who ruled Narnia while King Caspian sailed to the world's end?"

"Trumpkin. Can't you teach me something _new_?"

"Alerei, we've studied everything from King Frank and Queen Helen's reign up to King Rilian's most recent negotiations with Calormen. Do you suggest that we study the future?"

Alerei grinned through her freckles. "Can we?" Then growing serious, "Cerus does that, you know. He studies the stars and learns about the future. It must be exciting."

"I'm sure that at times it's exciting and at times it's dull, just like history," Iva said. "Now tell me the names of the seven lords that King Caspian journeyed to find."

"Um...Argoz, Bern, Rhoop...I want some breakfast." Alerei stood up and hollered, "Mother, I want some breakfast!" Then she turned to Iva and said, "Join me for breakfast! And we can discuss King Rilian's visit."

Iva sighed and gave in.

In the end, they didn't have lessons at all that day. After breakfast, Alerei insisted on practicing a song that she wanted to perform for King Rilian when he came to visit and after that, she wanted to decide what she should wear and just as she was trying on a green and yellow gown, she glanced out the window and shouted, "Cerus! It's Cerus!"

Cerus always arrived differently, sometimes galloping, sometimes going slowly, collecting presents for Alerei on the way. The presents were not the sort of gifts one might expect a regular young girl to take pleasure in, such as flowers, but Alerei was not a regular young girl. Cerus brought her snails and withered leaves and long sticks that might be used for playing war. Alerei loved war games with a passion that Iva found hard to understand, but perhaps, she thought, those games were the only time Alerei felt strong and powerful and victorious. Cerus himself did not particularly care for these games, but he played them to oblige Alerei.

Cerus was a centaur-boy with a shiny chestnut body and tail and reddish-brown curls. He was very solemn, as all centaurs tend to be, but he was also a child and laughed easily. When he entered the house, he stopped and stared at Alerei in surprise.

Alerei looked down at her green gown, then smiled and curtsied. "Good morning, sire," she said. "How find you this day?"

Cerus smiled and bowed his head slightly. "I find it hot. Have you a drink for a weary traveler?"

Alerei ran to fetch him a drink, tripped over her skirt and sprawled on the floor. Cerus sprang forward to help her up. Alerei got up with as much dignity as she could muster and got Cerus a drink. Cerus held the jug carefully with one hand while keeping the other gently closed.

"Well, what have you brought me?" Alerei demanded as he drank.

Cerus opened his other hand. Alerei gasped. "A caterpillar! I love caterpillars! Do you know what sort of butterfly she's going to be?"

"It will be a Goldenred," said Cerus. "I'm quite sure."

Alerei turned to Iva, who had been standing quietly near. "Iva, why don't you teach me anything about butterflies? It's always history, history!" But her complaining was playful. She turned to Cerus. "You wouldn't believe what happened this morning!"

"What happened?"

"Guess."

Cerus sighed. "You found out that your father was coming home?"

"No. Guess again."

A less mild-mannered boy might have grown impatient at this but Cerus sighed again and took a good look around at the clothes draped over the bed and floor. "You found out that you're going to have a visitor of some sort?"

Alerei gasped. "That isn't fair! Who told you?" She turned to Iva in accusation. "Did you tell him?"

Iva shook her head. "Your friend is smarter than you give him credit for, Alerei. He saw all of your preparations and realized you were having a visitor."

"Ah but who? Who is my visitor?"

Cerus' patience had at last evaporated. "I'm not guessing any longer," he said.

"King Rilian is coming to visit on the first day of the month of Greenroof!"

Cerus frowned. "Alerei, don't jest," he said.

"It isn't a jest!" Alerei pulled out the letter. "Look at this!"

Cerus read it. As he read, a smile began to grow on his face, even as his eyes still looked disbelieving. "But why…why is he coming?"

"What do you mean, why? Iva invited him!"

Cerus tried to amend his question. "I mean…" then suddenly he met Iva's eyes and at once, understood. "Oh."

Alerei turned to Iva and frowned. "Why_ is_ he coming, Iva?"

Iva looked back at her and fought the urge to drop her eyes. "Because…because you will not have another chance to meet him, Alerei."

And Alerei understood. "He's coming because I'm going to _die_?" she asked. "That's why he's coming?"

Iva nodded. "That's why he's coming."

For a moment all three of them sat still, Iva and Cerus fearfully waiting for Alerei's reaction.

Then Alerei smiled. "I hope he will stay long enough to watch the caterpillar turn into a butterfly."


	3. Night

"Why do you always start with a knight?" Alerei asked Cerus as they began a game of chess with the old wooden chess set that had been a gift from Alerei's father.

"I like the knights best," said Cerus. "Why do_ you_ always start with a pawn?"

"Well I like the queen best. But I can't start with the queen so I start with a piece that will become a queen in the future."

Cerus knocked over Alerei's pawn with his knight. "Or not," he said.

Alerei gave Cerus a mock glare and concentrated. In a few moments, she threatened one of Cerus' pawns with her bishop. Cerus moved his pawn forward and out of danger.

"Why did you do that?" Alerei asked. "You could have sacrificed your pawn so you could capture my bishop."

"I hate sacrificing pawns," Cerus said.

"It seems to be a Narnian tendency," Iva commented. "We hate to sacrifice the weak."

"Pawns are _not_ weak," Alerei said and knocked over Cerus' knight with one of her pawns.

After Cerus captured Alerei's queen and it seemed as if the game was likely to come to an end but a pawn of hers reached the other side of the board and became a queen and the game picked up again with the same intensity. They ended at a stalemate. Cerus seemed pleased but Alerei was not satisfied. "Why couldn't you teach me how to be better at chess?" she asked Iva.

Iva was beginning to feel put out with Alerei's tendency to blame_ her_ every time something went wrong. "Had I spoken to my tutor like that at your age, I would have been severely punished," she said.

"Well, that was in Terebinthia," Alerei said. "Terebinthian children are taught to be very polite."

"Courtesy matters everywhere," Iva said firmly. "Any manners that I learned as a child in Terebinthia have served me well here in Narnia."

Alerei was growing tired of the topic of manners. "What was it like growing up in Terebinthia?" she asked.

"It was very different," Iva said carefully. "I was very different."

She remembered the quiet, timid child she had been, made even more quiet and timid by a land where quietness and timidity were praised in children. She remembered how at eleven, she hadn't wanted to come to Narnia. The first time she had seen a centaur, she had screamed and hid behind her mother. Looking now at the bright, intelligent face of Cerus, she could hardly believe it.

"Very different," she repeated.

When the smells of an early dinner began to float in from the kitchen, Cerus said it was time for him to go.

"Why must you always leave so early?" Alerei complained. "I won't feel ill for several more hours."

"Alerei," Iva said in a warning tone. "Cerus probably has studies. His teachers are stricter than yours."

"No, no," Cerus said. "Mother won't let me stay." He reddened a little. "It is rude for a centaur to stay for dinner."

Alerei began to laugh and laugh and couldn't seem to stop. She laughed as she waved good-bye to Cerus and kept on laughing.

They had a comfortable little meal in the kitchen. Alerei's mother was more cheerful now than she had been in the morning, asking Alerei how she had spent her day, what she had learned (at this Iva gave Alerei a pointed look and Alerei looked quite guilty) and what Cerus was up to. But every so often, she would look at Alerei as if she didn't really hear what Alerei was saying but was simply watching her talk and listening to the sound of her voice. And then her eyes would fill and she would look away.

Alerei chattered on. "Will father be home in time for King Rilian's visit?"

"By Greenroof? I believe so."

"I'll write to him and tell him that he simply _must_ be home! Nothing is more important that the visit of a king!"

"Have you chosen a gift yet?" Iva asked. "I hoped to write to King Rilian tonight."

Alerei paused. "Yes," she said. She leaned over and whispered into Iva's ear.

Alerei's mother looked amused but did not inquire. "I hope it isn't anything too large," she said.

"It probably won't be," said Alerei, leaving her mother completely mystified.

When the sky began to darken, Alerei grew nervous.

"Let me hold the caterpillar," she said to Iva.

Iva picked up the jar with the caterpillar and handed it to Alerei.

"I said the caterpillar, not the jar!" She glared at Iva. "Are you afraid to touch a caterpillar?"

Iva picked up the caterpillar, wordlessly, and handed it to Alerei.

Alerei held it for a moment, then, said, "I don't want it anymore." She looked up sadly. "It's time for you to go home."

"I don't mind, Alerei," Iva said, gently. "I could stay longer."

"I would like you to, _please, _go home now."

It wasn't so much what she said but the tone she used that sent Iva into the kitchen to say good-bye to Alerei's mother. Her mother was pouring herb-flavored water into a bowl and she was soaking a cloth in it. "Until tomorrow," she said, barely looking at Iva. In the other room, Iva heard Alerei cough.

"If there's any help you need, I'm just down the road," Iva said.

"Yes." Alerei's mother picked up the bowl and carried it to Alerei's bed. Alerei was already climbing in. "Good-bye, Iva," she said and smiled.

Outside, Iva leaned against a tree and took a deep breath. No, she would not weep, she could not weep _every time_ she saw Alerei like this, there was no sense in it.

When she had first started to tutor Alerei she had known that she was ill. But seeing her during the day, so bright and talkative and enthusiastic, she hadn't really believed that anything could be seriously wrong with her. One evening, Alerei's mother wished to attend a wedding that was far enough that she would have to stay the night. Iva gladly volunteered to care for Alerei. But she hadn't been ready for the heavy breathing, the pain, the tears, the suffering that persisted in spite of the herbs and remedies. Alerei, seven then, had called loudly for her mother. Finally, oh finally, she had fallen asleep holding on tightly to Iva's hand. Only after Alerei feel asleep did Iva reflect that she could not even sit down while Alerei held her hand because the bed was too high. So Iva had stood there watching Alerei and felt glad to be uncomfortable because then it felt as if she was taking some of Alerei's pain, although she knew she wasn't really.

Iva walked home. On the way she saw a horse, a fox, a blue jay, an elderly faun, a dwarf-maid, a centaur walking with his son, a human couple walking arm in arm. She waved to all of them but did not stop to talk. She reached her house. Her neighbors, two elderly mice named Geebeseek and Leepechina were sitting on their tiny porch, watching the stars. Geebeseek stood and bowed when he saw her. "Good evening," he called.

"Good evening," Iva said.

"How fares the lady Alerei?"

"Uh…not very well," Iva said. "I'm afraid it's just a matter of time now."

"Well," said Geebeseek. "Isn't it _always_ a matter of time?"

If it had been anyone else, Iva would have thought that it was rather insensitive to speak that way, especially since Geebeseek had lived his whole life already. But he was a mouse. And when a Narnian mouse speaks of death, he knows what he is talking about.

"There was a letter for you," Leepechina said.

Iva thanked her and went into the house, where she found the letter slipped under her door. It was from her mother who had moved back to Terebinthia three years ago. It was quite a lengthy letter, partly playful, asking Iva if she had any suitors yet ("You're twenty, dear, you _must_ have suitors!") and partly gentle, asking after Alerei, ("How is that little girl you tutor? No improvement in her condition?) Iva decided that she would reply to her mother's letter tomorrow. Today, she had to write a letter to the king.

_Iva, loyal servant of the king and citizen of Narnia, to Rilian, King of Narnia, son of King Caspian X, Ruler of Cair Paravel, greeting._

_Your majesty, I'd like to express my gratitude. Such a quick and positive answer, I dared not hope for. I showed your letter to Alerei and she was estatic. She spent the morning preparing for your arrival although I assured her that the month of Greenroof was still eleven days off. As for the gift, Alerei requests that it be a surprise and says that she trusts the judgment of her king. So do I trust it but I still believe you might find it easier to choose a gift if you knew a bit more about Alerei and her family._

_Alerei is an only daughter. Her father, Sir Vern, has spent the past three years travelling to distant places and searching for a cure to night-fade but without success. Alerei lives with her mother. They do not keep any animals because a dwarf-physician once told them that the strong odors that come from animals adversely affect Alerei's breathing. Alerei is a curious and caring child although some have called her much too outspoken. She likes songs and stories and books and pictures and living creatures of every sort. Because she must remain at home for most of the day, she has few friends, but she treasures those that she does have and eagerly makes new ones. She awaits your arrival eagerly and so do we._

___Iva, loyal servant of the king and citizen of Narnia_


	4. The Arrival of the King

**I started writing this story**** in the October of 2009. Then someone in my family became very ill. The worry and fear that come with that…well, they rushed into my life so quickly and fiercely that they threw me off balance and to my knees (which was probably the best place for me to be.) And I realized that seeing illness every day as I did, I simply could**_** not**_** write about it. It was too near, too painful. So I abandoned this story.**

**Things are better now. They aren't perfect but **_**better**_**. And I am back to working on this…**

* * *

It was the first day of the month of Greenroof.

Iva rose at the break of dawn. The morning sky was a gloomy gray but there was no rain. Iva chose a violet gown (her best one) and brushed her long hair, hoping that by the time she would need to set out, the sky would make up its mind.

As a rule, Iva didn't get excited about things. She had always been the calm levelheaded one among her friends, the one who never shrieked when frightened and the one who never cheered when excited. Life, she thought, had too many agitating things in it and if you bothered to get excited at each one, you'd never have _any _peace of mind.

But today, she felt so flustered and fluttery that she was surprised at herself.

She searched on her bookshelf for a book that would calm her nerves. She settled on her own diary, hoping that by reading the thoughts and descriptions of the usual Iva, the reflective, quiet, calm one, she might recapture her usual serenity. But then she found herself turning to one particular entry, the one she had written on the day she had first seen King Rilian.

She remembered herself at seventeen. She remembered waking up every morning, feeling like she didn't really belong anywhere, like a leaf carried along by the wind. Eleven years of her life had been spent in Terebinthia and six in Narnia. She had enjoyed what each kingdom had to offer but had felt no particular loyalty for either.

She had felt no particular interest in Narnia's prince.

Of course, she had known the story of the prince's disappearance. She had even heard of his miraculous return. But she had only come to be at the field because she had gone out for a walk and had been lost in the crowd that was rushing to see Prince Rilian who was now_ King_ Rilian.

This was what she had written:

_I saw the king standing there, preparing to address the crowd. He had dark green eyes, fair hair and a fair curly beard. __He looked straight ahead. __He seemed terribly lonely. _

_He spoke. "Fellow Narnians."_

_His voice was quiet. The crowd fell silent._

_"I stand before you today, not to make promises about the sort of king I will be, although I will strive to be a good one. Nor do I stand here to tell you what I will expect of you, for I could not ask for more than my father did…" his voice wavered, "And I would not insult your love for Narnia by asking for less."_

_There were a few cheers but most of the crowd stood silent, waiting._

_"I stand before you, first of all, to ask for your forgiveness."_

_I glanced at the faces of the creatures standing around me, hoping that their expressions would provide some explanation, but they all seemed as puzzled as I was. Then King Rilian told his story.__He had met and loved a lovely maiden, who was really a terrible enchantress. She had fanned his love into a flame and then had offered him a choice: Her or Narnia. _

_He had chosen her._

_His reward had been a ten-year enchantment. Every night for ten years, he had woken to find himself bound to a silver chair._

_"Every night for ten years, I begged Narnia and Aslan to forgive me. Every night for ten years, I cursed myself." He began to say something else but his voice broke and he stood in silence, weeping before his people. And Narnia wept with him, like a sister weeps for a wounded brother._

_Standing there, I felt like I was witnessing a terribly intimate moment. __I even wondered whether I was intruding by watching.__Then I realized that I wanted to BE a part of this intimate moment, to be one of these people who love their king and weep for him._

_I've spent most of my life trying to decide where to spend the rest of it. __Now I know. __I want to serve a country like that. And a king like that._

_"I see no reason that you should accept me back as your ruler," King Rilian finally said. "I only ask that you would. I ask you to remember that there has been one other king in our history who started out as a traitor."_

When six months later, Iva's mother had returned to her relatives in Terebinthia, Iva had stayed.

* * *

Iva had never seen Alerei's home so neat. The beds were covered with new, soft bedspreads, the floor shone, the books on the bookshelf were perfectly lined up and chairs from different parts of the cottage were brought into the main room and arranged with the finest green armchair in the center (presumably for King Rilian).

"Finally!" was Alerei's _courteous_ greeting. She sat on one of the smaller chairs wearing her much-loved green gown, swinging her bare feet. Her mother stood behind her trying to braid her short blond hair, which was a difficult task because Alerei kept turning her head.

"You look lovely,Iva," said Alerei's mother.

Iva thanked her.

"It _is_ a lovely dress," agreed Alerei. "But you must not wear it very much."

"I don't. I save my favorite dresses for special occasions."

Alerei tossed her head, causing her mother to sigh as several strands of hair escaped again. "That's silly! If it's your favorite, wouldn't you want to wear it as much as possible?" Then without waiting for an answer, she added, "Why do you have an umbrella with you?"

"There's usually one reason that people carry umbrellas," said Iva, smiling. "And that's the possibility of rain."

"_What_?" Alerei sat up and turned her head towards the door. "It _can't_ rain today!"

"Alerei, if you don't keep you head still, I will not even attempt this," Alerei's mother warned. "I have plenty of work as it is."

Alerei's father stepped into the room and gave Iva a bow that was at once courteous and friendly. The first time, Iva had seen him she had thought that he and Alerei resembled each other greatly, only many of his features were much more sharply accentuated on Alerei's face. He had six or seven freckles, while Alerei had three times that amount. His ears stuck out slightly but not as much as Alerei's. Her nose was the same shape as his, only _more_ so.

"The hedgehogs, the rabbits _and_ the birds are all saying that it will rain," said Alerei's father. "It _may_ slow down his majesty's journey."

Alerei's eyes widened. "But it can't rain!" she repeated obstinately. "I won't allow it!"

"I will let the sky know," Iva said.

Alerei glared at her. "You are so unkind!" she cried. "You know how excited I am and all you can do is jest!"

In the silence following this outburst, they heard drops of water beginning to tap-tap-tap on the roof and windows.

Alerei burst into furious tears.

"Oh, Alerei," said her mother. "Of all the things to weep about!" She stood up and began to walk out of the room, but although she seemed irritated, right before she disappeared into the kitchen, Iva noticed tears in her eyes as well.

Alerei's father attempted to comfort his daughter by putting his arm around her. "It won't rain for very long," he said. "And his majesty will be here sooner or later."

"You don't understand!" cried Alerei. "I don't want him to come at _night_!"

Then, Iva understood and regretted her irony, however mild. Of course, Alerei wanted the king to meet her when she was bright, happy and laughing, not weak and coughing in bed.

"It will clear up soon," she said as gently as she could.

It did not.

It rained all day. There were occasional flashes of lightning and sounds of far-off thunder. The air was humid. Cerus arrived, wet red curls flat against his head, water streaming down his chest and flanks. "Did the king come yet?"

Everyone shook their heads.

Alerei's mother brought out some of the unusual and complicated dishes she had cooked in honor of the king's visit and let Iva, Alerei and Cerus try them. Iva and Cerus thought the food was scrumptious, even though Alerei declared that food was _food_ whatever you did with it, and it was best when you did as little with it as possible.

Alerei's father told them stories about his travels. He told them about the giants, marsh-wiggles, and dryads he had met and the dangers he had encountered. Alerei liked this better than food-tasting and she listened to his words breathlessly. Iva listened too but throughout it all, she found herself thinking about the one thing that Alerei's father never mentioned. And that was the _reason_ he had been traveling in the first place.

He had been searching for a cure. And he hadn't found one.

Iva had Alerei practice her song, write a sonnet, paint the caterpillar, all in an attempt to make the waiting tolerable. They played chess and read books. They had dinner. Cerus left, disappointed but knowing that his strict parents expected him home by nine, king or no king.

Finally, at half past nine, Alerei's symptoms began to manifest themselves and she was forced to climb into bed. But this time she did not order Iva to leave. Rather she asked her to stay, repeating over and over, "He'll be here any minute now. He _will_."

And Iva found that although she sat making small talk with Alerei's parents, in her mind she was repeating the same words over and over. _He'll be here any minute now. He will. He will._

Alerei drank some water with herbs. She coughed. She lay back on her pillow and closed her eyes, her cheeks flaming red and her breath coming in short painful bursts.

There was the sound of of stomping on the ground outside.

Alerei opened her eyes.

The others looked at each other. _Could it be?_

"That doesn't sound like a horse," said Iva, wondering. "It's something heavier."

"Go see," said Alerei's mother.

"Yes, Iva, go see," whispered Alerei.

Iva rose, her heart beating hard and fast, walked to the door and opened it.

At first, she couldn't see anything through the blinding sheet of water and wind. Then as she squinted, she could make out...a silver-gray elephant against the swaying trees.

Yes, it was an elephant, his sides and feet splattered with thick dark mud. He moved slowly but surely forward, holding his trunk right above his large black eyes to keep water from getting into them. On his back, rode King Rilian, wet and weary but smiling.

"He's here," Iva managed to say.

Alerei's mother joined Iva in the doorway and gasped. "Alerei! You told me the gift wouldn't be too large, did you not?"

At this, Alerei simply could _not _remain in bed. With the utmost effort, she pulled off the blanket and shakily, got to her feet. Her father helped her to the door.

The elephant stopped in front of the cottage. His intelligent eyes met Alerei's for a moment, then he kneeled in the mud so that King Rilian could dismount.

Then Alerei saw both elephant and king bow to her in the rain and the wind.

"Lady Alerei," said King Rilian. "I beg you and your family to forgive me for my late arrival."


	5. On the Nature of Elephants

Then, there were, of course, the brief introductions that people feel are necessary, even at half past ten, when they are tired and —some of them—wet and muddy.

Iva introduced Alerei's parents as Sir Vern and Lady Gwelein. King Rilian introduced the elephant as Zebulon, his close and trusted friend.

"I should have made some adjustments to the stable," muttered Sir Vern under his breath. But he only said, "This way, Sire," and led the elephant away.

Meanwhile, Alerei's mother invited the king into the house.

King Rilian hung his dripping maroon cape on the hook by the door. His wet boots squelched as he stepped into the house and he removed them also. Alerei's mother apologized for her humble home and he assured her that it was lovely. They passed through the main room and disappeared in the corridor, Alerei's mother carrying a lit candle.

Alerei stood leaning on the closed door, her eyes wide and glowing brighter than the candle.

"Let me help you into bed," said Iva.

Alerei seemed to snap out of some deep thought. She let Iva support her and slowly lead her back. While she was climbing in, Iva heard her draw a sharp breath, as if in pain.

For a moment, Iva stood frozen with pity. "Can I help you somehow?" she finally asked.

Alerei pressed her right hand to her chest but said nothing, only lay back, breathing deeply.

Apart from the two bedrooms the family slept in, they also had three spare ones and Alerei's mother had prepared the very best one for the king. She returned wringing her hands. "His majesty says he wishes no supper, only something warm to drink. Do you think he is just being polite? I can't tell. "

"I think his majesty is exhausted and wishes to sleep," said Iva. She yawned in spite of herself.

"Yes, you're probably right. You had better get to sleep too," she added, almost as an afterthought. "Take the lavender bedroom. I'll bring you a nightgown presently."

It was on the tip of Iva's tongue to argue that she had an umbrella, and, therefore, could walk home. But, then she realized that with the dark and the rain, Alerei's father would feel obliged to walk with her and she would cause much less fuss by staying. "Thank you."

* * *

"Iva. Iva."

The quiet, gasping voice kept saying her name.

Iva opened her eyes.

Alerei stood at the foot of her bed, swaying.

"What's amiss?" Iva reached for the candle on her night table and began to light it.

"Nothing." Alerei sat down on the bed so abruptly that Iva reached out to steady her. "Nothing," she repeated. "Only…I want to stay with you…for a while."

It was very like Alerei, Iva thought, to wake her up and expect companionship, without even _asking_ if it was all right. But then she lit the candle and saw Alerei's chest heaving with each breath and the red spots on her cheeks and heard herself saying, "Very well."

Alerei leaned against her.

"Shouldn't we tell your mother you are here?"

"Mother's sleeping. It is father's turn…to stay up with me…but he fell asleep too." Alerei began to cough.

Iva winced. Each cough sounded so _painful_….she poured her some water from the pale green pitcher on her night table. "What else can I do?"

Alerei pulled a small jar of honey somewhere out of the folds of her nightgown and expertly added a little to the water. Apparently, she had come prepared to stay awhile. "I want a story."

A story! Iva nearly groaned. "Haven't you had enough excitement for one day?"

Alerei said nothing, only closed her eyes.

"Very well," sighed Iva and she started a tale about Aslan (a true one, since the best tales about Aslan, are those that are true). She hoped that Alerei would fall asleep but simply _couldn't_ bring herself to try to make the story dull. Not when it was about _Aslan_.

An hour later, there was a hesitant knock on Iva's door and she opened to discover Sir Vern, sleepy-eyed and apologizing. He looked at Alerei with disapproval. "Daughter, how can you walk about the house waking people in this fashion?"

Alerei shrugged.

"Were there any other guests that you thought you ought to invite for some midnight revelry?"

Alerei either did not notice the sarcasm or chose to ignore it. "Well...when I was looking for Iva...I came into the king's room. By accident."

Sir Vern brought a palm up to his forehead. "_And_?" he asked.

Alerei smiled. "His majesty snores."

She began to cough again. Her father came over and, without another word, picked her up tenderly and carried her back to bed.

* * *

"Iva! Iva!"

Iva opened her eyes.

There stood Alerei _again_, only this time, bright-eyed and happy. "You won't believe the dream I had!"

"One moment," Iva said. She rose and glanced at the clock on the wall. It was 6:03 AM. She turned towards Alerei. "Are you by any chance feeling better?"

"It_ is_ morning, so – "

"Then you have no _reason_ to disturb me at this hour. Go back to bed. Now."

Terebinthians are quiet and gentle people. Iva was no exception. But just at that moment, she stomped her foot and glared.

Alerei backed out of the room.

* * *

When Iva woke again, she was surprised to hear Alerei's laughter coming from the dining room.

_How late was it?_

She rose, opened her window and blinked in the sunlight. She glanced at the clock. It was nearly eleven!

She was vexed at herself. Of _all the _days to sleep late! What must the king think of her?

She dressed and tried to wash her face with water from the pitcher but Alerei had drunk most of it last night. She brushed her hair and glanced at herself in the small lavender-rimmed mirror that hung on the wall. Her dark violet dress appeared rumpled and her eyes looked weary after last night's adventures. But after all, she scolded herself, it didn't matter that much what she looked like. King Rilian wasn't here for _her_.

She walked towards the dining room and opened the door.

There sat Alerei in her nightgown, on Prince Rilian's knee, chatting with him as easily as if she had known him her whole life. "Iva is a good tutor," she was saying. "Of course, sometimes, she's awfully boring but you can hardly help being dull when teaching something like _geography_, can you?"

Iva felt heat rushing to her face. She felt a little hurt too. Couldn't Alerei have a_ little_ gratitude?

"Good morning," said King Rilian, rising and bowing.

Iva curtsied, her cheeks still burning. "Good morning, your majesty. I suppose I should get up early, if I wish to hear what people are saying about me."

As soon as she said it, she wondered if she sounded peevish but King Rilian laughed, green eyes twinkling. "I would prefer to be called King Rilian. And that is an excellent resolution. I think I'll adopt it as well. 'Tis fitting for a king."

Iva couldn't help but chuckle.

She sat down at the table. There was triangle-shaped toast and golden butter and goat cheese and milk and figs and raspberries and blackcurrant tea. _I've come just in time_, she thought wryly. Between Alerei and King Rilian, all of it was disappearing rapidly.

"Toast, Lady Iva?"

"Thank you, your ma- king Rilian. Alerei, where are your father and mother?"

"Father is asleep. He didn't get much sleep last night. Mother is offering Zebulon breakfast."

"I assured lady Gwelein that it was entirely unnecessary," said King Rilian to Iva. "Apart from peanuts, there is nothing that Zebulon likes as well for breakfast as your fresh green grass and morning dew."

"It must be an _awful _lot of green grass and morning dew," said Alerei, taking a bite of toast.

"Can your family spare it?" King Rilian asked gravely, though his eyes were merry. And to Iva, "May I pour you some tea?"

Alerei took a moment to finish chewing before answering. "For Zebulon, we can. He is a very important elephant."

"Why do you say that?"

Alerei looked as if the answer should have been obvious. "He was traveling with _you_, wasn't he? Anyone travelling with a king is bound to be important."

King Rilian looked amused. "Zebulon is the best of elephants and my dear friend. Some _would_ consider him important for that reason but that is not why I have brought him. Lady Iva, have you tried the raspberries?"

"Well, why_ did_ you bring him?" asked Alerei.

"I invited him to come with me because he is the court artist. Lady Iva mentioned in her letter that you liked pictures. I thought that, as your gift, you would enjoy having an artist nearby to paint as many pictures for you as you like."

Alerei frowned. She sighed. "Thank you," she said. She was quite unused to being polite and even _less _used to conveying false gratitude, so her sudden change of manner was very stiff and unnatural.

King Rilian frowned and stroked his beard. "I see that my gift has failed to please," he said. "Lady Alerei, I regret that I did not think of a more extraordinary –"

Alerei's face grew a little pink at the title. "Don't apologize!" she said. "Only…" She bit her lip. "I don't like sitting for portraits very much. I don't like _sitting_ at all." She looked down on her lap and probably reflected that she_ had_, after all, been sitting for the past half hour. "Unless, I am eating. Or talking to kings."

"You will not have to sit for him," said King Rilian. "All he needs to do is look at you for a few moments and he can paint you from memory. He has a tremendously good memory. All elephants do."

"Well, if I don't _have_ to sit, I'd like to be painted." Alerei turned to Iva with a pout. "Now, _why_ haven't you taught me anything about elephants?"

Iva had seen the question coming and answered promptly. "I had you pick a species last year for your independent Narnian Species report. You could have chosen elephants, if you wished."

"But I wanted to write about battles," said Alerei. "And there aren't ever any elephants in them!"

"You like battles then?" King Rilian asked.

Alerei nodded enthusiastically. "I _love_ battles."

Iva rose to start clearing the dishes. "I've always wondered why elephants don't fight in battles."

"I can explain," said King Rilian. "You see, the same qualities that make so many elephants excellent artists, their sensitive natures and their excellent memories, also make them poor warriors." He rose also and carried the teapot and the butter crock to the kitchen.

Iva nearly reminded him that he was a guest and should not be assisting her but, at the last moment, something made her think that this would be an insult to him rather than a courtesy.

Alerei frowned. "Why?"

"Those who are most effective in battle are _not_ sensitive, at least not for as long as the battle lasts. And as for memory…some things that are seen and done in battle are best forgotten." King Rilian sighed and looked grave.

"Well,I _still_ think battles are exciting," Alerei said.

King Rilian studied her a moment and did not argue. "Lady Alerei, you told me you had a song you wished to sing for me. Shall we go outside where the others can also hear us?"

"But, first," Iva said firmly. "_Lady _Alerei will change into a suitable gown."


	6. Alerei Speaks

Leaving Alerei to dress, Iva went outside. Now that it had stopped raining, the air smelled like fresh green things and the sunlight made her squint.

She heard the light canter of a centaur's hooves and soon, Cerus appeared round the corner, his face flushed and excited. Still, he remembered his manners. "Good morning, Lady Iva."

Iva nodded. "Good morning." Then she inquired as kindly as possible, "Shouldn't you be in school?"

Cerus reddened. "I begged mother to let me skip school just this once. Is…is _he _here?"

Iva smiled. "Yes."

Cerus's brown eyes widened. "What is he like?"

Iva thought for a moment. How best to describe this dignified, gallant, yet somehow_ simple_ man in a king's garb?

In the silence, they both heard the sounds of polite argument coming from the kitchen.

"Your majesty, I cannot allow it," Alerei's mother was saying. She must have entered from the side door.

"Can't a king wash dishes?"

"I did not mean to imply that a king couldn't, only that he _shouldn't_."

"Pray, why not?"

There was a brief silence. Then, "I don't know exactly. It doesn't seem eight. Besides, you are my guest."

"Yes, and I would prefer not be a burdensome one. Now, lady Gwelein, as your king, I order you to allow me the privilege of washing the dishes."

Iva turned back to Cerus. "That…is what he is like."

* * *

Soon King Rilian, Alerei and her parents joined them outside. The actual presence of King Rilian seemed to render Cerus mute. He could only manage a bow, hero-worship shining in his eyes.

"He talks," Alerei assured King Rilian with a grin. "_Really_, he _does_."

"I have no doubt of it," said King Rilian.

The five of them headed out to find Zebulon.

They found him by the well. Zebulon was holding a silver comb in his trunk and critically studying his reflection. "My hair simply won't curl," he was saying. "And I _so_ wanted it to. But things never come out exactly the way you think they will. Any artist knows that." He glanced up and gave them a grand bow. "Exquisite morning, isn't it?"

"Indeed," said King Rilian.

Cerus bowed, still silent.

Alerei giggled and curtsied, the hem of her pale blue gown landing in the dirty puddle at her feet. "Indeed," she echoed.

_Exquisite, _thought Iva, looking at Zebulon. He really was a beautiful elephant and perhaps, had reason to be a little vain. He had a graceful trunk, large thoughtful black eyes, long eyelashes. His dark hairs fell over his wrinkly forehead and his gray skin had the appearance of damp velvet.

"Now that we've feasted," said King Rilian. "Lady Alerei wishes to entertain us with a song."

"Yes, let's have music," said Zebulon. "I adore music."

Alerei cleared her throat and placed her hands behind her back and sang an old ballad called, "Mermaids in the Moonlight."

Alerei had not been born with a gift for singing. In fact, there had been a time when her mother would ask Iva to give warning before beginning their singing lesson, so she could "go do some outside chores." But Iva had taken great pains to teach Alerei to pay close attention to melody and rhythm, to "feel" music and to love it. So, Alerei's performance was energetic and pleasant if not exactly stunning.

At the end, the others applauded heartily and Iva breathed an audible sigh of relief. She noticed King Rilian studying her and wondered if he found her worry over her pupil's performance funny. After all, what did it matter if Alerei sang well or not? But if you have ever been a tutor, you know that little things of this sort matter quite a bit.

"That was lovely. You do credit to your teacher, Alerei," said King Rilian.

Alerei grinned. "Thank you."

Zebulon was enchanted. "What a performance! What a song! I must paint it!"

"How do you paint a song?" asked Alerei.

"The secret is to keep your eyes closed as you do it," Zebulon said.

Alerei shook her head. "I've tried painting with my eyes closed. I just ruined a lot of canvas and got pain all over my gown. And mother told me the result looked like a – "

She caught her mother's pointed look and stopped talking.

After the performance, Alerei and King Rilian had a fencing match among the puddles (we will not mention the state of the pale blue gown.) Then everybody except Lady Gwelein played hide and seek. Zebulon was "it" because Alerei declared that it was not fair to expect him to find a hiding place as quickly as everybody else. When it got too hot for running around, Iva got the lyre she used for Alerei's music lessons and they sang more Narnian songs. For lunch, they had some of the delicacies Alerei's mother had made the day before, along with some bread and cheese and potatoes and mushrooms that Iva believed Sir Vern could make better than anyone else in Narnia. After lunch, Zebulon retired behind the house with his paints to "work" and there were more songs and games.

Eventually, King Rilian asked Cerus if he would like to play chess. "Alerei told me this morning that you were quite fond of the game."

Alerei's blue eyes opened wide and she opened her mouth to protest. But she saw Cerus' face and promptly closed it. "Iva, come with me," she said sharply. "I need to get a drink of water."

Iva sighed. When else would she get to watch the _king of Narnia_ play chess? "Now, Alerei?"

"Now!" Alerei stomped off in a fury.

Iva followed her.

Once inside the kitchen, Alerei burst into tears. "He is my guest!" she cried. "He should be playing chess with _me_!"

Iva tried to use a little reason. "He has been giving all of his attention to you since early morning, Alerei. Can't you spare him for an hour to make your best friend happy?"

"I have!" Alerei wailed. "And sacrifice doesn't feel good at all, like they say it does! It feels awful!"

Iva took her by the hand. "Not completely awful, I'm sure."

Alerei pulled her hand away. "It isn't fair! Cerus can play again sometime but _I_ haven't got much time left!" She sat down on a chair and wrapped her arms around herself.

Iva glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall. "It is only 1 o'clock, Alerei."

"No, I don't mean _that_!" Alerei sobbed and suddenly, was seized by a fit of coughing.

Then Iva realized what she had meant.

She hastily poured Alerei some water and as Alerei drank, she took her hand again. "I'm sorry," she whispered. She wanted to say, _I'm sorry that you haven't got much time left, _but the words wouldn't come.

Alerei kept crying, more quietly now. "I think about death sometimes."

Iva began to feel a growing panic. This was outside of her expertise. Alerei had never talked about dying before. Iva was a qualified tutor and had taught Alerei many things. But she did not know how to teach her pupil to accept death. Would Alerei reproach her for that? "Shall I call your mother?"

"She doesn't want me to talk about it. Neither does father. There's no one but you to listen." And Alerei squeezed Iva's hand tighter as if afraid that she might escape.

"Very well," Iva said. "I'm listening."

"I just wanted to say that…I'm not afraid of dying."

Iva longed to reach out and stroke Alerei's short, blond hair. "You aren't?"

"Reepicheep wasn't afraid of going into Aslan's country. And that's what dying really is, isn't it? Going_ there_? So I'm not afraid of dying." She frowned. "But I _hate_ the idea of _not living_. I want…" She thought hard for a moment. "I want to be like those people in the books. When they die, the books say that they lived an honorable life. I want to live a life. To do things."

"Those in Aslan's country still live. They _do_ things also." It was King Rilian who spoke, coming into the kitchen with Cerus.

"Yes," said Alerei. "But it's not the same."

Cerus stood still, his face unreadable.

"No," said King Rilian. "It's not." He took another chair and sat down next to Alerei. "But it is true. It is a truth that helps me live without those I used to love most. Though I don't know if it would help me _die_," he added. "I'm sorry, Alerei. I wish I could change it."

As Alerei leaned on King Rilian's shoulder, Iva wondered how he did it. How did he face the horrible truth and help Alerei face it too? The things he did were so simple, the strong shoulder, the kind words. Yet, _Iva_ couldn't do them. Her tongue froze up, her hands shrank away and all she wanted was to run away from this little place of sorrow and find a place in the forest with a lot of sunlight where she could pretend that nothing was the matter.

Was it because he was older? Because he had experienced much more? Was it because he didn't know Alerei as well and didn't love her quite so much? Only, wouldn't loving someone make you_ better_ at such things instead of paralyzing you when you were most needed?

Several minutes later, they heard Zebulon calling from the outside, "The painting is finished! And it is magnificent! Come see!"

The four of them glanced at each other and intuitively knew without being told that Zebulon did not need to know what they had been talking of. After all, elephants were _very_ sensitive. Alerei dried her tears, rose and smiled, ready to receive her gift.


	7. On the Nature of Butterflies

**Dear readers, ****This chapter is sad. ****You have been warned.**

* * *

The painting _was_ extraordinary. From far away it seemed like a mix of colorful splotches but if you came close, you saw that it really wasn't. Through the colors you could detect Alerei's facial features, her eyes laughing, her freckles dancing, her mouth open in song. There was something cheerful in it, something sorrowful, and something fierce, all contained in the strokes and hues on the canvas. Now Iva understood why, of all the gifts King Rilian could have chosen, this was what he had settled on.

"Dancing dryads," whispered Alerei. "It _is _me."

Zebulon rubbed some paint off his wrinkly grey cheek. "I am glad you are pleased," he said. "Though it is not _exactly_ what I envisioned…"

"I think it is your best work," said King Rilian wholeheartedly.

"Well…"Zebulon blushed. He had called them so enthusiastically but _now_, with his painting in plain sight, he seemed uncomfortable. "Shall we play chess?"

So they left the painting to dry and went to play chess. In the first match, King Rilian let Alerei win, which delighted her. When King Rilian and Cerus began to play, it became apparent that King Rillian was going to make it a fair game and would probably be the victor. This delighted _Cerus _(to Alerei's confusion). "I will never understand," she declared. "Why some people_ like_ to lose."

A sudden large raindrop made them all leap up to rescue the painting.

As King Rilian carried the painting into the barn, Zebulon lifted the chessboard with his trunk and, keeping it balanced on that trunk, brought it in as well. He placed it on a small table. "Keep playing, my friends."

Iva, Alerei and Cerus stared at the board, speechless. Not a single piece had slipped from its' position, not even a little.

King Rilian chuckled at their reaction, having had clearly seen this trick before.

Once in the barn, Alerei showed the king and Zebulon her caterpillar's cocoon in the jar. "It is supposed to take two weeks to become a Goldenred," she explained. "If nothing goes wrong."

"Hmm," said Iva. "To become? Don't you think it already _is _a Goldenred? Even while it is in a cocoon?"

"Well, that's silly," said Alerei. "It only becomes a Goldenred, when it _looks_ golden and red."

"What if you paint its' wings purple after that?" asked Zebulon.

"Um…" said Alerei. She scratched her head and frowned but could not think of an answer to that one.

* * *

"King Rilian, I want you to walk Iva home," Alerei said generously, as the sky got darker.

Iva wanted to protest but King Rilian smiled at her and asked if she would mind very terribly if he did just that very thing.

They said their good-byes. "Tomorrow," Alerei announced, "I want you to tutor me like you always do."

"I don't think that's necessary, Alerei," said Iva. "Not with a guest here."

"Well, why not?" asked Alerei. "Maybe _he_ can learn something from you." She grinned at King Rilian and Iva. "Kings don't know everything!"

* * *

So, Iva found herself strolling down the path with the king.

It occurred to her that so many times she had seen couples walking here…and she scolded herself for the thought.

King Rilian kept his hands behind his back as he walked. "What do you do when you aren't tutoring, Lady Iva?"

Iva frowned. It was a difficult question, for her, at least. "I take walks. I play my lyre. I write poetry and songs sometimes."

King Rilian waited for her to say more. Iva said nothing.

"I see," King Rilian remarked finally. "I suppose that there are one or two other tutors you speak with sometimes...just to share ideas about the craft?"

"Not really," Iva admitted. "Alerei, her parents…they are my only friends."

She felt a bit awkward. It was an oddity, she knew, to lead such a simple, isolated life at twenty years old. But she felt complete, she felt satisfied. What need did she have for something more?

"They are good ones," King Rilian assented. "Sir Vern and Lady Gwelein are the sort of Narnians one is always proud to encounter."

"Yes."

King Rilian changed the subject. "I asked Lady Gwelein if there were any expenses they could not meet."

Iva approved of this, though she said nothing. She knew that Alerei's family wasn't wealthy.

"She told me that she would like to pay you for all of your work in the past year."

Iva stopped and stared at him. She frowned.

"You don't wish to discuss this." King Rilian looked at her intently.

"No," said Iva. She resumed walking. "I don't."

"When I was younger, I felt the same. But a king has money. Why shouldn't he right a wrong where he finds it?"

"There is no wrong here," Iva said, a bit sharply. "I chose this job and this pay."

"Still, in early winter, Lady Gwelein told you she couldn't keep on paying as much as before. And you stayed on for half the amount."

"I had all that I needed," said Iva firmly. "And I love Alerei."

"I understand." And King Rilian smiled and said nothing more about money.

So they strolled down the path and King Rilian told Iva about a giant married couple back at the palace. "They have named their children after the four monarchs, Peter, Susan, Lucy and Edmund. For visitors, it is a bit jarring to hear comments like, 'Lucy, please tell Edmund that it's bedtime'."

Iva laughed and looked up at the sky. The stars shone beautifully. She wondered if they had a message. She wondered if Cerus would be able to tell.

They parted at Iva's door, smiling.

* * *

In the middle of the night, Iva was awakened by insistent tapping on her door. She rose and lit a candle. The clock on the wall said that it was 3:30 AM.

Her skin prickled. There could only be one reason for someone to wake her at this hour and that was Alerei being very ill. She threw her shoulders back and opened the door.

It was a small grey owl, the sort that often carried messages at night for people who needed it. "Sir Vern and Lady Gwelein send a message."

Iva swallowed. "Yes?"

"They say that their daughter passed into Aslan's country earlier tonight. They ask you to come."

_Aslan's country. _

Iva stood still as stone, watching the owl brush a feather from its shoulder. "I'm very sorry," added the owl. Then it rose into the starry sky and was gone.

___Aslan's country. _Dead.

Iva dressed mechanically. She had to get over there. That was all she knew.

She was cold in her spring gown. She added another layer.

There was another knock, much softer this time. Iva felt a small hope that somehow, some part of that message was a mistake and this was another message, corrected, but deep in her heart, she knew…people did not make mistakes like that. She opened the door.

It was Geebeseek and Leepechina, dressed and quiet. "My dear, we heard the message," Leepechina said gently. "We grieve with you."

Iva nodded. She did not feel any necessity to speak. She did not even care if silence was rude.

"I'll walk you over there, of course," said Geebeseek.

Iva began to shake her head but Geebeseek had already taken her arm. "A lady does not walk alone in the middle of the night," he said firmly.

And together, they set off towards the house where Alerei no longer lived.


	8. When Time Slows Down

The door to the house was wide open. Iva and Geebeseek entered.

Candles lit up the house. The air smelled like rose petals.

Alerei's bed was empty. There was a finished, neat look about it that Iva found unsettling; she was so used to seeing all the blankets twisted and tangled in a heap. They heard sounds of quiet conversation and walked towards the kitchen door. It was also wide open.

Some of the neighbors, Iva knew, the woman a few doors down who sold herbs, the dwarf doctor who had treated Alerei. Some were strangers. They rose to greet her soberly. Iva nodded to them, then, turned around to see Sir Vern, looking pale in his dark costume.

"Thank you for coming." Sir Vern took her hand and squeezed it, then offered her a seat and a glass of wine. He greeted Geebeseek in a similar manner.

"My wife and I express our sorrow," said Geebeseek.

"So do I," Iva said. Her voice sounded hollow, even to herself.

Sir Vern looked around for a moment, then, downed his glass of wine. He poured himself a new one. "Where is Lady Gwelein?" Geebeseek inquired.

"Oh, she is with...the body."

_The body. _Iva gripped her glass of wine tightly. The conversations around her seemed to be coming from far away.

"It was quick," the dwarf was saying. "She did not suffer much in her last hour. That is the way it usually is with night-fade."

"She was a lovely child."

"Someday, they will find a cure."

A mournful half-trumpeting noise, half-howl coming from the outside made them all look up.

"It is Zebulon. Elephants are quite _sensitive_, you know," Sir Vern said.

He downed another glass of wine.

A memory came to Iva. When she had first entered school after coming to Narnia, she was surprised to hear the other children whispering about 'The Absolute Evil.'

"What is 'The Absolute Evil'?" she had asked her teacher.

The teacher had calmly explained that The Absolute Evil was the source of all that was cruel and unfair about the world, the source of power for all dark magic and the reason why most bad things happened. It was invisible, it could read minds and you could not kill it.

Eleven year-old Iva had stared, horrified. "It's not in Narnia, is it?"

The teacher had hesitated and a boy had called out, "Silly! Of course, it's in Narnia! It's everywhere!"

Then, Iva had felt like running home to hide in her mother's room.

"Hush!" Her teacher had said. "Where The Absolute Evil dwells is not for us to know. And we do not speak of The Absolute Evil unless I mention it in a lesson. All of you boys and girls who grew up in Narnia know that, so you must all stay inside during recess. Only Iva may go outside."

Iva had raised her small hand. "Why don't we speak of it? Because it is too frightening?"

"No, child." Her teacher had paused, thinking. "A Narnian poet once said that people who spend too much time thinking and talking about The Absolute Evil forget to think and talk about Aslan. So, they unwillingly begin to serve the one thing they hate instead of the One they love."

When her teacher had announced that it was time for recess, Iva had stayed inside with the rest of her class. After such a discussion, she did not feel comfortable going outside to play alone. After all, The Absolute Evil might be nearby, waiting to pounce.

* * *

Iva looked up to check the clock.

_3:50? _But that was impossible. Surely, she must have been here for longer than that. "I think your clock is broken," she said.

Sir Vern looked up, startled. "Eh?"

"No, dear, it isn't," one of the women said gently. "All the clocks in the house show the same time."

Iva stared at her. Slowly, she took a sip of wine.

If the clock wasn't broken…then time itself was slowing down.

Minutes would feel like hours from now on.

And she could not do anything about it.

She was aware of a sudden hush in conversation as two people appeared in the doorway. It was King Rilian and Lady Gwelein, who was leaning on his arm. Her grey-blond hair was not braided as usual but loosely pulled back and her dark gown fit her badly.

All the neighbors rose, approached Lady Gwelein and spoke their consolations.

"We grieve with you."

"We are very sorry."

"We will never forget your little girl."

Iva stood still. None of that seemed necessary. Most of it seemed meaningless. When she approached Lady Gwelein, they reached for each other and held each other tight and close without words.

"I never thanked you," Lady Gwelein whispered. "For inviting the king. It meant so much to her. None of us did as much for her as you did."

Iva suddenly remembered that yesterday Alerei had wanted to tell her about her dream. And she had refused to listen. She shook her head, mutely. Of course, at the time she hadn't _known_ how little time was left. Still, she didn't do as much for Alerei as she could have.

She glanced at King Rilian. He was speaking to Sir Vern in low tones about something but Sir Vern was not comprehending it. Yes, yes, we'll take care of it later," he drawled. "Some wine?"

King Rilian shook his head. "At times like this, I abstain completely."

Sir Vern stared at him. Suddenly, he buried his face in his hands and began to sob. King Rilian put a strong arm on his shoulder.

Iva's chest gave a painful throb. Then, she deliberately pushed her glass of wine away. It made things easier, perhaps. But she wanted to be strong like King Rilian, to be strong for herself and for those who could not be strong for themselves. She had to be aware of everything, aware of herself, even aware of the pain that was growing inside of her.

She sat down next to Lady Gwelein and held her hand through the night.

* * *

"Lady Iva, may I speak with you privately?"

Iva had just written a letter to her mother, informing her of the news and asking her to come. Now, she was sitting with Lady Gwelein and the others, having a cup of tea and King Rilian was asking to speak with her.

They stepped outside.

"I don't know if you are aware that I don't usually wear black, not even to funerals."

Iva nodded. "I know that." Everybody knew that the king associated black clothing with memories of his ten-year captivity and avoided it for that reason.

"Yes." King Rilian frowned. "But I've never been to a funeral quite like this one and I admit I am uncertain as to what I should do."

"King Rilian," said Iva. "I know very little about funerals. I've never even _been_ to one."

The king looked at her, incredulously for a moment. "Not one?"

Iva had a sudden impulse to laugh. "Not one."

The king smiled a little but it was a kind smile. "Forgive me. I imagine this must all be so new to you…"

Iva felt tears rushing to her eyes and forced them back. "A little."

King Rilian nodded. "I understand. All the same, you know these people much better than I do. Do you think that this caprice of mine would add to their pain? If you think so, I'll trust your judgment, ignore how I feel and dress correctly."

Iva thought of all the rules of etiquette that had been drilled into her as a child in Terebinthia…Suddenly, she pictured, what Alerei's reaction to this situation would be. _Silly nonsense!_ She would call it. _Ridiculous stuff! __Can't even a king dress how he likes?_

"I think they care very little just now for how you dress, King Rilian," she said.

The king nodded.

"But…you _might_ consider a small sign of mourning," Iva added. "As a sign of respect."

King Rilian smiled. "I shall do exactly that. Thank you."


	9. Another Letter

**I realize that the last chapter was heavy. This one will be too. I do not want to depress my readers but grief is the sort of thing that takes time...and I wouldn't want to be deceitful about that. However, _other_ things will happen eventually. I am already writing chapter 10 :)**

* * *

The first thing Cerus' mother did when she arrived was put her arm around Lady Gwelein and speak to her softly.

"It is a sad, sad thing," she said. "But you will discover the strength. Strength you never knew was there." She spoke with a calm authority and Lady Gwelein, small and frail in comparison, straightened her back and nodded. Nobody questioned centaurs when they spoke of the future.

Cerus' stood by, looking around. His face was pale and his lips pressed tightly together. He wore a black silk scarf around his neck. He nodded to Iva. Then he began to tap out a nervous rhythm with his hoof. His brown eyes were desperately searching the faces of the men around him.

He fixed his eyes on King Rilian.

"When will you be returning home, your majesty?" the dwarf physician was asking him.

"I promised Alerei that I would stay," said King Rilian. "Until her caterpillar turned into a butterfly."

* * *

They buried Alerei on a pretty, green hill under an apple tree.

The friends and neighbors sang a song about Aslan's Country. King Rilian, who had taken Iva's advice and wore a black cloak over his regular clothing, stood looking into the distance. His eyes brimmed over but he sang more loudly than anyone. Lady Gwelein sang too, but quietly, her voice breaking.

Iva could not make herself sing. Sir Vern and Cerus also stood silent.

Zebulon had set up the painting of Alerei, a little ways from the grave. Everyone took turns walking over to look at it but nobody stayed for very long.

At first, Iva avoided going to look at the painting. Like one painfully injured, she was already growing accustomed to the wound. She was considering each step very carefully, so as not to hurt herself more than necessary.

Suddenly, it occurred to her that after the funeral, Sir Vern and Lady Gwelein might put the painting somewhere far away and she would not see it again for months. Then this was her last chance.

She chose to look.

And there was Alerei. She was singing, just as they had just been doing just now. The painting was beautiful still. But the bright colors suddenly seemed grotesque and the smile seemed wrong. In her joyful freedom, Alerei seemed to be almost laughing at them.

Only after the others turned to look at her did Iva realize that she was audibly weeping.

She walked back to the group with quick steps, her face buried in her hands.

* * *

She and Geebeseek walked home slowly. Iva was carrying her lyre.

She was weary. Her chest ached. The other Narnians were strolling, laughing and enjoying the mild weather but Iva found herself irritated with the sunlight.

"Shouldn't it be getting dark?" she asked Geebeseek.

It is only 3 o'clock," Geebeseek explained.

Iva nearly argued that that was impossible because it didn't just _feel_ like afternoon.

She said good-bye to Geebeseek, entered the house, placed the lyre by the wall and sank into bed. She had been up half the night and expected to fall asleep immediately.

Sleep would not come.

The lyre was still standing by the wall. Iva stared at it. It was useless now, she thought. She wouldn't dare play on it. It would remind her.

She rose, picked up the lyre and knocked on her neighbors' door.

Leepecheena answered.

"Would you mind keeping my lyre...for a while?" Iva whispered.

Leepecheena studied her with honey-golden eyes. "Of course, we'll keep it," she said. "Won't you come in?"

Iva stepped into the house. The top of her head brushed the ceiling and she stooped as she put the lyre by the wall.

"Sit. From what Geebeseek told me, you've had a difficult day."

Iva nodded.

"Would you like some tea?"

Iva had been having tea all day. The bittersweet flavor of it seemed to permanently sit on her tongue. "Yes, please," she said.

Soon after, Leepechina persuaded her to take off her shoes, lie down on the mouse-sized sofa and rest. Iva had to curl up into a ball in order to fit.

This was how she fell asleep.

* * *

In the mornings, Iva got dressed, brushed her hair and checked if there was any mail for her. It wasn't that she particularly cared whether there was. But she needed to do _something_.

The past five days had been an odd, torturous, puzzling experience for her.

She longed for Alerei's company. There was naturally _that_. She could not seem to make herself believe that this was _it_, that she wouldn't see her again except in the very, very distant future when death came to her too. But it was more than that. There was absolutely nothing for her to do. It seemed like there was twice as much time in which to do it. Time had spread out like the darkness spread over the Narnian sky at night.

Leepechina and Geeebeseek invited her over in the evenings. She knew that they did it out of compassion and she was deeply grateful.

There was one letter on beautiful parchment. It was written in very large, elegant letters._  
_

_Dear Lady Iva,_

_I've asked Lady Gwelein if you were doing any tutoring just yet and she said she wasn't certain. If you have decided to rest for a while, I understand. However, I ask you to consider taking Cerus as your next student._

_Cerus worries me. My son used to love studying and took great pride in his work. Today, he told me that he doesn't wish to attend school any longer. He says that the foolishness of the other children makes him angry. He doesn't sound like himself. He sounds bitter._

_I realize that he is grieving and perhaps, he needs to put his studies aside for now. His father worries about how he will make up for missed work. I worry more about what he will do in the place of school. He must do_ something_. We have agreed to ask if you would study with him a little bit each day, just to keep him busy doing something useful. _

_Perhaps, also you can comfort him better. As much as I want to help him, and as much as I love him, I cannot comfort him as well as I would like. Because as much as I want to understand his pain, I don't. _

_Sincerely, _

_Maplerain _

Iva read the letter and shook her head.

She liked Cerus. But to tutor another child? To grow to love another child as much as she had loved Alerei? No. She wouldn't venture doing_ that_ anytime soon. Maybe, when several years had passed, she might attempt it again.

She wrote back to Maplerain with a polite refusal. She wrote that she wasn't working at present.

_What shall I do with my life now? _she asked herself and she didn't know the answer. She would wait for her mother to come. Then, she knocked on Leepechina's door although it was morning.

Geebeseek answered.

"I…I was wondering if Leepechina needed any help with housework. Or cooking," Iva said.

Geebeseek began to shake his head. "I don't think…" Then, he corrected himself. "I've learned a long time ago not to make decisions for my wife. Why don't you ask her?"

Iva did.

"Of _course_, I need help," said Leepechina. She turned to Geebeseek. "Don't I always need help?"

And Iva was welcomed once again into a place where she wouldn't have to be alone.


	10. Goodbye Butterfly

Iva's mother arrived with two bearded servants and plenty of sacks and bundles.

"My little owl!" She took Iva's hands into her own and looked into her eyes, smiling. Her hair was styled in large dark waves and she wore a burgundy gown.

Iva smiled back. She had forgotten the childhood nickname. They had rarely used it once they had moved to Narnia. The talking owls found it insulting.

Iva's mother turned to the servants. "You know the directions. Go on. Will be glad to see you in a week."

The servants bowed their heads and departed.

Iva frowned, puzzled.

Her mother explained, "I gave them money. They'll manage."

"Are you hungry?" Iva asked. "There are eggs and apples and all sorts of nuts and…not much else. I did not know when you'd be coming –"

Her mother finished washing her hands. "Good! I have a meat pie. We stopped at a bakery." She reached into one of her bundles. "Get us some plates and sit."

Iva obeyed. It was such a relief to have things to _do_, such a relief to have somebody giving her clear directions. Perhaps, the emptiness wouldn't be so terrible now.

"How was your journey?" she asked.

Her mother cut the pie into several pieces. "I _detest_ travelling. But I am willing to sacrifice comfort in order to see you. Let's leave it there."

They sat looking at each other for a moment.

"Well," said her mother. "How are you? Is there anything I should know that you haven't mentioned in your letters?"

Iva shook her head. "No."

Her mother started on the pie. "I have been reading the most remarkable book. _Marriage Customs in Narnia, Calormen and Terebinthia_. Have you been reading anything recently?"

"No."

Her mother stopped eating to study her. "That isn't like you."

Iva searched for words. How could she explain that reading, like all solitary activities, made her feel lonely just now? "I've been resting."

"Yet, you don't look your best."

Iva flinched.

"You don't look like you've been sleeping well. You've gotten thinner too." Her mother frowned. "Why didn't you mention that in your last letter?"

" I didn't know _then _that I would," said Iva. She added, more quietly, "These two weeks have been hard for me."

Her mother sat thinking for a moment. Her eyes softened. "Yes," she said. "I hadn't thought of that." She reached for Iva's hands again. "I am sorry for what you've been through, child."

They spent all day together. Her mother was friendly and cheerful and did not speak of how Iva looked again. She had brought many kinds of spices from Terebinthia and they used them when making baked potatoes, fried mushrooms and broiled fish for dinner. Afterwards, they sat together late into the night. Her mother talked and Iva listened.

It was good to have someone in the house.

* * *

Iva woke early.

She did not remember her dreams. She only knew that she felt sad and lonely. She was used to feeling this way in the mornings. A horrible ache would come over her even before she remembered _why_. And it would only get worse once she remembered.

Iva glanced at her mother's sleeping form. Then, she tiptoed past the bed, to the kitchen.

The jars of Terebinthian spices still stood on the table and her mother's book lay next to them. Iva reached for the book and flipped through the pages. She studied the pictures of pretty young brides. One girl had Alerei's light hair and freckles.

She closed the book and stared at the jars of spices.

Perhaps, she should offer some of them to Leepechina, she thought. Yes, she should do that.

There was a knock on the door. Iva opened it.

"Lady Gwelein!"

Lady Gwelein smiled a tired smile. "You have come to our home so many times, Iva. I thought I might visit _you_ for once."

* * *

Iva moved the spices and the book to the side of the table and placed a bowl of chestnuts in its' place. "Please sit. How are you?"

Lady Gwelein took a chestnut and rolled it between her fingers. "Yesterday, we finished clearing the shelves and drawers. There is a pile of reports and essays. You may come and take some of them if you wish."

Iva swallowed. How could she possibly look at Alerei's writing now? She couldn't even open her own diary anymore for fear that she might come upon the details of an old memory. "I should have helped."

"We had plenty of help. King Rilian organized all the neighbors and they put everything in neat little piles and moved it to the attic." Lady Gwelein looked up at Iva. "Well, it does no good though for me to talk about my troubles. How are _you_?"

"My mother is visiting," Iva said. "We have been spending time together."

"That is good," Lady Gwelein's eyes dropped down to her hands again. "You should treasure each other while you still can."

A memory came to Iva. When Alerei had burst into passionate tears that last day, she had not found the courage to hold her close and comfort her. It took King Rilian, a near stranger, to give Alerei what Iva _couldn't_ give.

She leaned closer and put an arm around Lady Gwelein's shoulder. "I am sorry. I wish I knew what to say to make things better."

"It is a special gift, knowing what sorts of things to say," Lady Gwelein said. "Not everyone can be like King Rilian."

"And what does he say?" Iva whispered.

"Good morning." Iva's mother stood in the doorway, dressed in a pale blue robe. Her eyes met Iva's and her eyebrows rose, as if to say, _Why didn't you warn me that we would have company?_

Lady Gwelein and Iva stood quickly.

Iva made the necessary introductions. Her mother expressed her condolences. Lady Gwelein thanked her, wearily. Then she turned to Iva. "I didn't mention the reason I came yet. The butterfly came out this morning. We haven't opened the jar yet. We wanted _you_ to be there when we set her free."

Iva nodded. "I'll be ready in a few minutes."

* * *

When Iva privately asked her mother if she wanted to come, she refused.

"Firstly, I am not ready," she said. "It would take me at least an hour to get dressed and do my hair. Second, I am tired of going places. I had been hoping to spend another day with you. This is why I _came_."

"Yes," said Iva. "I know. But this is important."

Her mother said nothing but Iva could see the puzzlement in her eyes. _Important? A butterfly?_

"I will read my book," she said, "Don't stay too long."

* * *

Sir Vern, Zebulon and King Rilian stood in the front of the house.

Zebulon held the jar. The butterfly inside was still clinging to its chrysalis, golden and red wings glowing like a sunrise. Zebulon gave Iva and Lady Gwelein a small bow. Then he placed the jar on the ground and took off the lid.

The butterfly didn't move.

They waited.

The butterfly fluttered its' wings. It rose a little into the air, hovered, landed on the ground for a moment. Then it flew up again and was gone.

They all stared into the blue sky for a moment and then at each other.

"That was lovely," said Zebulon.

Iva felt cheated. Yes, the butterfly _itself_ had been lovely. But there had been nothing beautiful or remarkable about its flight. It had disappeared, leaving emptiness and quiet behind, just like Alerei's death.

"You are leaving tomorrow, your majesty?" Sir Vern asked King Rilian.

King Rilian looked apologetic. "Yes. Zebulon will stay a bit longer. He is enchanted with the scenery here and wants to paint."

"We will always be grateful for everything you've done for us, your majesty," Sir Vern said. He turned to his wife, as if expecting her to say something as well. But Lady Gwelein only looked at King Rilian and nodded. _You understand my gratitude_, she seemed to be saying. I _don't need to say anything._

King Rilian turned to Iva. "Don't say good-bye yet, Lady Iva. I had been hoping to speak to you. You are walking home?"

* * *

King Rilian walked slowly. "I wonder, Lady Iva, if you will continue being a tutor."

"I don't know," Iva said softly. "I haven't decided yet."

King Rilian untied his cape and began to re-tie it, as they walked. "You see, a family of giants has arrived recently at court. They have four children. I've mentioned them to you once before. Peter,Susan, Lucy..."

Iva struggled to remember. Yes, he _had _mentioned something like that to her…but it felt like it had happened thousands of years ago. "I remember," she said, finally.

"The children need a tutor."

Her was offering her a position at _court_?

The sunlight suddenly felt hot upon Iva's cheeks. Why me? She wondered. Why not somebody older and more qualified?

King Rilian was still fiddling with the cape. "There _is_ a school near the palace but it is rather rigorous and elite. The children wouldn't be able to keep up. You know that giants aren't particularly clever. But they _are_ good-hearted little things – "He caught Iva's surprised look and added with a smile, "Well, not exactly _little_, but good-hearted anyway."

"King Rilian, I am very…honored," Iva said.

King Rilian finally met her eye. "_However_?"

"There is_ no_ 'however'," Iva said. "I want to do it."

As soon as she said this, she was surprised at herself. It wasn't like her to make serious decisions so quickly…but somehow, this time, she knew without a doubt what she wanted.

"That would be grand," King Rilian said. "But why don't you think about it for awhile? I must leave tomorrow. But Zebulon leaves in two weeks' time. If you do accept, you would be able to travel with him."

Iva found herself nodding. "I would like that."

When she entered the house, her mother had the teacups all set up and was pouring tea. "Well?" she said, with amusement. "Was the butterfly beautiful?"

Iva nodded. Suddenly, the butterfly's flight didn't seem like a death anymore. Now she wondered where the butterfly had flown off to. She wondered what sorts of places it was exploring and what sorts of adventures it was having.


	11. Moonlight

**This chapter is the longest yet. However, it was so much fun to write, I simply couldn't stop :)**

* * *

It was evening and Iva's mother was braiding her hair.

On her lap, Iva was holding a bowl of raspberries that they had bought earlier that day. They both were eating the raspberries slowly.

Iva was not _happy_ exactly. No, she would not call it _happy_. But tonight she felt at peace. In the silence, she was able to take a question that had been hiding in her heart for several days…and put it into words.

"Mother, do you think The Absolute Evil is real?" she asked.

She_ could_ speak of such things with her mother. After all, she was a Terebinthian. Narnian customs did not apply.

In the large mirror, Iva saw her mother smile. "I think it is an interesting idea."

"Then you _don't_ think it is real?" Iva pressed.

"I doubt it. Of course, there are evil _people_ in the world. There always have been and there always will be. But a malevolent _being_ of some sort that wants destruction for no reason? I doubt it."

"Then where does illness come from?"

Iva's mother shrugged. "I think illness just _is_."

Iva sighed. She had expected as much. She changed the subject. "I want to give some of the spices you brought to my neighbor Leepechina. She has been very kind to me and I'd like to do something for her."

"I did not know that mice could cook."

Iva laughed. "Well, of course, they do. Talking mice do everything humans do. And they often do it better."

"Well, forgive my ignorance." Her mother smiled and sighed contentedly. "You seem to be_ back, _my little owl. After spending the day with you yesterday, I was worried. You didn't seem the least bit like yourself."

Iva was a little bothered by that. "You think I am not really _myself_ if I am unhappy?"

Her mother finished the braid and tied it with two green ribbons. "That isn't what I meant. Of course, you can be unhappy for a little bit. But you were…well, _despondent._ And you are never that."

"That isn't true," Iva said. "I am many things."

Her mother stood and stretched, admiring her figure in the mirror. "Any rate, is there a reason for this change?"

Iva hesitated. Well, after all, she would have to tell her eventually. "I was offered a position."

Her mother raised her eyebrow. "Not as a scullery maid, I assume."

"As a tutor. I was offered work at the_ palace_ by King Rilian."

Her mother gasped. "Do you mean to say that you were_ speaking _with the King of Narnia_ today_?"

Iva smiled and nodded.

Her mother clapped her hands. "This calls for a celebration!" She reached for one of her satchels and took out a bottle of wine. "I had meant to do this yesterday...but now we have a reason!"

Iva stared at the bottle. She recalled Sir Vern sobbing in that first agony and pouring himself wine through the night, sparkling red against his black garb.

She closed her eyes briefly.

Her mother did not notice. "When did you speak to the king?" she asked, pouring the wine.

Iva poured herself some water. "King Rilian has been staying at Sir Vern's home. I went there this morning."

"And you were wearing _that_ gown?"

Iva found herself irritated. "It is a decent gown! And it wouldn't have been proper to dress up. Now at a place where people are grieving."

Her mother nodded, acknowledging the truth of that. Then she folded her arms. "You knew that the king was visiting. But you didn't write to me about it."

Iva shook her head.

"Why not?"

Iva shrugged. "I don't know."

Her mother threw up her hands. "She doesn't _know_! Incredible answer. Just _perfect_."

* * *

When a little time had passed, Iva began to regret sharing the news. She had expected_ some_ excitement but her mother seemed determined to analyze the event to the point that it made her uncomfortable.

"This really_ is_ astounding! May I tell your aunt? Your cousins?" Her mother paused to think about it. "Of course, a girl of _your _beauty _and _intelligence was bound to rise to the top eventually."

Iva winced. "I didn't _rise_ there. I was invited."

"Yes, but a king hardly invites anybody! He must have chosen you for _something._ And the timing is so fortunate too!"

Iva stared. "What do you mean?"

"For you to…be free from any sort of obligation or duty just now."

"_Alerei _was my duty."

"Well…" Her mother seemed to be struggling for words.

"You mean that you are glad she is dead," Iva whispered. The words came out before she could stop them.

Her mother looked pained and a little puzzled. "No, not _glad_...But I am a little…_relieved_…for your sake. You deserved better. Don't think about it, dear, if it hurts you."

"Don't_ think_?" Iva thought for a moment that she might be suffocating. She stood up sharply. "You might as well tell me not to_ feel_, as not to think about it!" She walked to the door and stepped out into the cool air of the evening.

Her mother followed her outside. "Where are you going?"

"I don't know!" Iva saw her mother begin to follow her but then she hesitated and returned for a cloak. That is when Iva began to run.

She had lied to her mother. She _did_ know where she was going. She wanted to sit by Alerei's grave and cry.

* * *

The painting wasn't there anymore. Iva breathed a sigh of relief for _that _at least. It would hurt too much right now.

She leaned against the apple tree and burst into tears.

She sobbed for a full ten minutes before she heard someone clearing his throat. She looked up and saw King Rilian, his eyes searching hers.

Iva straightened her back and took a step away from the tree. She searched for something to wipe her eyes. In her haste, she had forgotten to take a handkerchief. She thought for a moment about what a sight she must be. Then she decided she didn't care. She would try to be a lady even if she didn't look the part. "G-Good evening." Her voice still shook.

"Do you mind if I stay, Lady Iva?" King Rilian asked. "Or would you prefer to be alone?"

Iva tried to steady her breathing. "I don't mind."

King Rilian approached. "I just wanted to visit one last time…as I leave tomorrow."

Iva wanted to say something but couldn't. She stood, playing with the green ribbons in her braid.

King Rilian placed a small white flower on the grave. He stood by quietly for a moment.

Then he said, "Lady Iva, if you wish to talk, I can listen."

Iva's heart throbbed at the gentle words. But self-consciousness made her hesitate. "I...I am afraid it won't make sense to you," she began.

King Rilian suddenly laughed and Iva stared at him, surprised. What _had_ she said that was so funny?

"I apologize," King Rilian said quickly. "It isn't _you_. It's just that, I said these exact words to my friend Puddleglum once. Do you know what he said?"

"Well?"

" He said, 'Course not. Marsh-wiggles never _have_ been good at this sort of thing. Still, can't hurt to try. We must all try our best.'" In the moonlight, Iva saw King Rilian smile. "It turned out that he understood me perfectly."

Iva smiled back through her tears. "You see," she said. "My mother said something cruel today."

She told King Rilian all about what her mother had said and her own response. Now that she was retelling it, she saw that her mother hadn't _meant_ to hurt her. Even as she still smarted from the sting of her mother's words, she saw that. Her mother had always been the sort of person to say things like that.

King Rilian listened carefully until she was finished. "If it helps any, I think that the way your mother views things is…wrong," he said. She heard in his tone that he was hesitant to say anything judgmental.

"I think so too," Iva said. "But I am surprised that it_ wounds_ me so much."

"What do you mean?"

"I used to be a calm, cheerful person. If I thought something was cruel, I _reasonably_ explained why it was. I didn't rush out of the house in tears. Now, I've turned into someone unreasonable...and dramatic." She tried to laugh at herself but the laugh came out half-hearted.

Then King Rilian took her hands into his large ones and looked into her eyes. "No," he said. "I have known unreasonable and dramatic people. You are not either of these. For the time being, you are entitled to your feelings and entitled to your tears. Because you are weeping for something deeper, don't you see?"

Iva did see.

She remembered then how many times she had labeled Alerei 'unreasonable' and 'dramatic' in her mind. She had not done it critically, merely with amusement, but still, she had not seen anything beyond it.

Now she saw the grief of a child who was saying good-bye.

The thought made a sob rise in her throat again and she felt a sudden longing to hide her face in King Rilian's shoulder. Of course, she didn't. But she hoped he would keep holding her hands a bit longer.

"And what your mother said about me choosing you because of your abilities…well, that's all wrong too."

Iva felt herself blushing. She hadn't _meant_ to tell him that. "I thought it was...and I couldn't figure out why it should be me..."

"I do not know if you are an exceptional tutor or not. I haven't the slightest idea what your abilities are. I wasn't thinking about that. I just knew that you were a good Narnian. And Aslan's mane! If I was to _reward_ every good Narnian with a position in the palace, the place would collapse! I invited you, mostly because I thought _you_ would like it."

Iva wasn't sure why she was so pleased with the king's characterization of her as a 'good Narnian'. The word 'good' wouldn't be high praise to a _Terebinthian_ at all. But she was, in fact, quite pleased.

The pain of her mother's words had faded, at least a little.

She forced herself, finally, to withdraw her hands. After all, there was _propriety_. However, she also wanted desperately to express how very grateful she was. "You have a gift for knowing what to say, King Rilian, when people are unhappy." That was the best she could come up with.

King Rilian smiled. "They are mostly things somebody once said to me. I simply have a good memory for certain phrases. Like Zebulon has a good memory for images."

Iva shook her head. She didn't think it was so simple as that.

* * *

Iva did not let King Rilian walk her home.

"It isn't _that_ late. And you must prepare for your journey tomorrow," she said.

King Rilian did not insist. Her did ask hopefully, "I will see you in two weeks' time, then, Lady Iva?"

Iva nodded. "Oh, _yes_."

When she entered the house, her mother was cold and quiet. "How was your _walk_?" she asked, looking away.

"I'm sorry," Iva said. "I shouldn't have gone so quickly. I should have tried to explain…but you don't understand how much it hurt me."

Her mother finally turned to look at her. "No," she said. "I don't. I did not think you cared about that little girl quite so much. It was just _work_. She wasn't your _family_."

_Just_ work? No, Iva thought, her mother didn't understand and never would. "Let's make peace and forget about it then, shall we?" she said.

And her mother nodded. "Yes, dear, let's."


	12. Doing Something

_King Rilian has gone home. _That was the first thought that came to Iva when she woke up the next morning.

Do not think about it, she said to herself. Start _doing_ something.

"I want to invite Geebeseek and Leepecheena over for lunch," she said to her mother.

Her mother was doubtful about the idea. "I haven't had a conversation with _mice_ in years," she said. "What will we_ talk_ about?"

Iva tried not to sound impatient. "Geebeseek fought in the Second Battle of Beruna when he was only thirteen. He married Leepecheena, three years later, in the same month that King Caspian set sail on the Dawn Treader. They both love music and books and Leepecheena shares your love of cooking. You will find common ground."

Her mother did not look convinced. However, she was cautious with Iva now, afraid to hurt her, and thus allowed herself to be persuaded.

Geebeseek and Leepecheena agreed to come without hesitation. They knocked on the door five minutes later than the appointed time, both wearing hats that Iva knew they reserved for very special occasions.

At first, Iva's mother was very quiet and Iva found herself chattering just to fill up the silence. However, as the lunch progressed, she saw her mother gradually relax. She managed to ask a few questions, and after that, even tell a few stories about living with Iva's uncle in Terebinthia.

"My older brother and I don't always get along…but then, we hardly ever meet. It is a very large house. I have my affairs and he has his."

"You don't dine together?" asked Leepecheena.

"No, I dine alone. It is true that it can be dull at times. When I first arrived, I _did_ hope that Iva would return to Terebithia with me." Her mother smiled. "I don't anymore. She couldn't be better off than where she is _now_."

Iva couldn't help wincing. It wasn't that she minded telling Geebeseek and Leepecheena that she would be a tutor at the palace. It was that she dreaded hearing her mother speak of it in that proud way.

Fortunately, Leepecheena took those words to mean Narnia in general, not anything in particular. "Do you also think so, dear?" she asked. "That you are better off here?"

Iva thought about it for a moment. 'Better off'? What did that mean really? "I love Narnia," she said simply.

"I respect your feeling," said Iva's mother. "But I do not share it. Narnia is a lovely place to_ visit_ but I do not find it comfortable."

Geebeseek chuckled. "Not it really isn't, is it, from a visitor's point of view?" He thought for a moment. "You see, my lady, it was never meant to be simply _that_. Our land reflects its' creator. And Aslan was once called "not safe but _good_."

Iva's mother was surprised. "Really?"

Iva brought out the honey cakes. "Mr. Beaver said it first," she explained. "But King Peter the Magnificent quoted it many times after that."

Her mother began pouring tea. "_History," _she sighed. "Iva won't play the lyre for me, she won't sing or sit for a portrait, although she used to_ love_ music and paintings. Instead she keeps teaching me Narnian _history_."

Iva froze for a moment as Alerei's playful tone seemed to sound in her ears._ It's always history, history! _

She looked up and meeting Leepeechina's sympathetic look, tried to smile. "I _am_ a tutor," she said to her mother. "I can hardly help it."

* * *

Before leaving, Geebeseek called Iva aside and asked quietly, "How have Sir Vern and Lady Gwelein been faring?"

Iva tried to express what she knew, though she stumbled over her words.

"What about the young centaur?"

Iva bit her lip. She had not spoken to Cerus since the funeral. Actually, the thought of him made her uneasy. "I do not know."

"Do you know where Janus the faun sells musical instruments?"

Iva nodded slowly.

"If you wish to meet Cerus, I've often seen him there in the afternoons. I tried speaking to him but he is shy with me. Perhaps, I lack, ah, the gentleness that is necessary." And Geebeseek looked at her, as if to ask, _Will you go?_ However, he said nothing more on the subject, only bowed and took Leepecheena by the arm, as they walked away.

"Well," said Iva's mother. "You were right this time, my little owl. They are, indeed, wonderful company."

* * *

After they had cleared away the things from lunch, Iva tried to persuade her mother to go look at the instruments.

"What for? _You_ already have a lyre, one that you do not…" Her mother trailed off.

"_I _have no need of anything," Iva said. "But won't you want to bring back something from Narnia to show your friends?"

Her mother sighed. "I had been hoping to bring _you_. I suppose a flute will have to do."

* * *

The collection of musical instruments was arranged prettily on the grass in front of the elderly faun's house. The faun held a small box in his left hand (for coins). He bowed to Iva and her mother. "Welcome, welcome."

There wasn't anybody else there. Iva's mother asked if she might try out a flute and the faun permitted it. She sat down on a cushion, spread out her burgundy skirt over the grass and began to play a cheerful tune with pleasure.

Iva listened. Her mother had always played very well but for the first time, Iva wondered if perhaps, the music was…lacking something.

"Does a young centaur often come by here?" she asked Janus quietly.

"With reddish-brown curls and freckles?"

"Yes."

The faun nodded. "He never purchases anything but he always looks so sorrowful, I don't dare ask him what he wants. Perhaps, his parents do not permit him to study music?"

Iva shook her head. "Do you think he will be by later today?"

"Perhaps."

Well, Iva decided, if he was going to be by, _she_ was going to wait.

"You play excellently," she said, after her mother had finished.

Her mother smiled. "It is a superior instrument. I think I will buy it. Shall we go?"

"I...I have a meeting with someone here," Iva said.

Her mother leaned in closer. "A young man?" she whispered.

"Perhaps."

She knew she wasn't being entirely truthful. But after all, Cerus _was_ a young man, wasn't he?

"Well, why didn't you say so right away?" Her mother proceeded to pay for the instrument and leave with a wink and a smile.

Iva sat down and waited.

It was a curious thing, she thought, what Geebeseek had said earlier about Aslan being "not safe but good". She had heard the phrase many times before but had she really understood it? She wasn't sure. In spite of all the stories she had told Alerei about Aslan, she had never really thought about Him very _deeply. _She had never bothered to. Only _now_, when the only bit of hope _for_ Alerei rested in His existence and the existence of His country…she realized that she didn't know much about him at all.

Narnians came and went. Cerus did not come.

* * *

To Iva's surprise, her mother did not ask any questions when she came in. She studied her very intently but only mentioned that Leepecheena had invited her to visit tomorrow morning and she was going.

"_Really_?" Iva teased. "But whatever _will_ you talk about?"

And her mother laughed, blushing at her earlier words.

That night, Iva dreamed.

They were sitting at Alerei's desk. Iva was teaching. Alerei was listening but there was something distant about her that day, something couldn't put her finger on it."You're not trying very hard," she told Alerei.

Alerei rose and said coldly, "I don't want to be here any longer." Then she walked away.

Iva ran after her but Alerei was faster somehow and although Iva pleaded with her to stop, she didn't look back once. And Alerei's figure, retreating into the distance, became blurry like a painting.

Iva sat up in bed.

Her body shook so violently, she couldn't even stand, could only hold onto the bedclothes. Her teeth chattered.

Her mother appeared in the doorway. "Are you all right?"

Iva stared back at her. _All right?_ She wanted to scream. Instead, she said, "There _is_ an absolute evil."

Her mother frowned. "What, dear?"

"There is," Iva repeated positively. And she began to sob, Alerei's cold indifferent face still before her eyes.

Her mother sat on the edge of the bed, put an arm around her and didn't argue. "Perhaps." A little later, she said,"The little girl is in Aslan's country, dear. You said so yourself."

Yes, Iva _had_ said that. But she wished her grief was so selfless that she could be comforted by it.

Long after her mother had gone back to sleep, she lay awake, heart aching. She desperately wanted to speak to King Rilian but knew that that was impossible.

* * *

As soon as the sunlight began to shine through the curtains on the window, Iva gave up on trying to sleep. She left her mother a note and headed towards the instrument shop again.

What was she going to say if she _did_ meet Cerus? How could she offer comfort to someone else with the shadow of that awful dream still upon her? She didn't know. But _something_ was telling her to go.

The faun was just bringing the instruments out of the house and arranging them. "Good morning." Her frowned, studying the sky. "I will be bringing everything back in after a few hours. It looks like it's going to rain."

"May I help?" Iva went into the house and began carrying out the smaller instruments. The third time, she came out, there was Cerus, his legs folded under his body and his eyes fixed on the flute he was holding, so that she couldn't see his face.

"Hello, Cerus."

Cerus jumped a little as he looked up. His eyes were rather red. "Hello, lady Iva." He rose to bow to her and put the flute back on the stand.

_Now what?_ Iva wondered.

"How are you?" she asked hesitantly.

Cerus sniffed. "I left school. I ran away. Nobody could catch me." He sat down again.

Iva sat down by him. "I'm sure that you had your reasons," she said carefully.

"I have a classmate named Barksleet. I told her that her essay was stupid. And then she kicked me. Centaur kicks _really_ hurt."

Iva tried to speak gently. "Why did you tell her that her essay was stupid?"

Cerus took a raggedy breath. "_Alerei _would have."

Iva hesitated. Should she give advice? Or would she make it worse? Perhaps best to not say anything at all?

"Cerus," she finally said. "Surely, you understand...Alerei wasn't perfect. She was..._wonderful_. But not perfect. Simply because she _would _have done something doesn't mean that it's the right -"

"It_ was_ the right thing to do," Cerus interrupted. "It _was_. Barksleet's essay was about how Narnia should take over the world because Aslan is on our side and he would never let us lose in a war. It was a perfectly _stupid_ essay written by a girl who squeals and giggles when we boys do fencing because she likes our _muscles_."

Iva was stunned into silence. Yes, she had to admit, Alerei would have been quite sharp with a person like that. And after all, wasn't that one of the things she and Cerus had so loved about her? Her love of truth, her lack of tolerance for silly nonsense...

"I'm sorry I made you cry, Lady Iva," Cerus said.

Iva looked up and hurriedly wiped her eyes. _Was_ she crying? She hadn't realized it. Still, she didn't mind. Being reminded of the _real_ Alerei made the cruel image in her dream dissolve like mist.

"Did you kick her back?" she asked.

Cerus flushed with anger. "I couldn't kick a lady! I ripped her essay down the middle and left."

Iva smiled. She couldn't help it. Then she reached over and brushed Cerus' red curls to the side, where they had spilled over his eyes. And Cerus, pride forgotten, allowed it.

"I think you need a vacation from school."

"Mother thinks so too," Cerus said. "But she agrees with father, when he says that I must not be idle. I must work or study or _do_ something. And they cannot study with me every day and there is nobody else who can."

"Well…will you spend three days with _me_?" Iva found herself saying. "I won't be around here for very long…but I can do_ that_ much."

She and Cerus went directly to Cerus' home after that to speak to Maplerain, his mother, and it was all arranged. Iva and Cerus would meet tomorrow at Cerus' home and would study until the afternoon, and the day after that and the day after.

Cerus seemed satisfied, if not overjoyed, with the way things had been arranged. Iva was satisfied too for the time being. Only she had a sense that what she had offered wasn't really a solution, that three days would solve nothing.

She decided to wait and see.


End file.
